Learning to Let Go

I have been looking deeply into my life and the way I have been living, and this is a writing to describe what I have been learning:

We need to stop seeing ourselves as victims, of our perceived environment.

People hurt us because they cannot allow love and compassion into their own hearts, they don't understand how to fully love themselves.

We then internalize these encounters- neglect, pain, sexual abuse, addiction- then we define ourselves by other people's projected insecurity.

We are unworthy,

unlovable,

worthless.

But none of these things are true.

We have been caught in the crossfire-

of the lifetime fights with their own demons

They fell victim to their abuse, too.

We need to be willing to call ourselves:

worthy, lovable,

valuable,

irreplaceable.

Once we let go of the blame, the shame, the pain-

then we can finally allow for healing.

Healing

Healing will be a painful, dark, beautiful, inspiring

journey.

Healing requires you to allow your wounded child, who carries all of your fears, insecurities and anger- that has kept you safe for so many years... to feel.

The intense feelings will shine light on your deepest secrets-

your greatest fears,

It will help you finally realize,

It was never your fault, never your battle to fight.

You can let go

We are constantly changing beings

Life is momentary- we only have now.

Your pain does not define you,

Your past does not define you,

Your family does not define you

Your light, and the way you choose to spread that light, defines you.

With every passing smile, every dream you are working to achieve, every minute that you take to listen to a hurting soul.

Heal yourself: for yourself

So you may fulfill your purpose in this world:

to make it a brighter place

Love with all of your being,

and never apologize for your compassion.

Why growing up a "bigger girl" has made me the woman I am today

Growing up a "bigger girl," has taught me a lot about life.
It showed me what it was like to hate myself, love myself and every emotion in between.
I never really thought anything was wrong with my size until I began getting made fun of in middle school for my size. But in middle school, I became "popular" and hung out with a bunch of beautiful, thin friends who are still my best friends until this day. I think I am beautiful and there are other people that would agree with me.
But growing up overweight taught me to truly love unconditionally, this is because I never wanted to be loved by conditions.
I then in my junior year of highschool lost 40 lbs and was very thin. But by losing the weight I was not necessarily more attractive because I was thinner, I was more attractive because I was still me, just more confident. I was, and am, an uplifting, hardworking person. I love to encourage others, and by losing weight many people looked to me as a role model, which was empowering. I had not only healthy eating patterns but healthier life patterns. I was kind, and loving and caring to everyone regardless of their size because I knew what it had felt like to be overweight and be made fun of due to that.
Growing up overweight has made me a more open, loving person.

Society and Health

Society. The ruling, dictating body composed of social media, businesses and consumers. Businesses that prey on the innocent, who are consumed by these standards. So many things are covered by the act of "healthiness" and "strength," but it consumes young men and women's lives.
Since a young age I have always struggled with my weight, and even when I was at a healthy weight, the media and others always told me I needed to be thinner, my own mind told me I needed to be thinner to be accepted, to be valued, to have any worth at all.
I have walked around this past year of my life feeling unworthy in my own skin, and unable to make a change, make friends or allow myself to be taken seriously by anyone due to the fact that I gained weight back. I had a voice in my head, and media shoving down my throat, that I are only successful if I have that "before and after picture," because those hours spent on the treadmill were more a measure of my success than any problem I have ever overcome in my life. And people continue to perpetuate this due to the fact that they are striving for the same exact thing, they have the exact same mentality.
The point of this post is to encourage others to defy the stereotype. Yes, working out and eating healthy are amazing for us and help us be happier, more competent indiviuals because we are choosing to treat our bodies and minds right by fueling ourselves with good nutrtion- which helps improve brain function. But the obsessive amount of weight lifting and constantly thinking about what we can or can not eat at lunch, or if that donut is going to make us gain 50 lbs, is unhealthy. I am studying nutrition and have learned to love working out, but I am going to make a choice to not let it consume my life. Not let it consume my mind all hours of the day.